[ and cinnamon, but how much of that had been the fragrance and how much of that had just been the way poe always smelled to her was still a mystery. spice ran deep. ]
How do you know whether it's an effect or not? Because I still felt like myself, even if it was different than before.
[ rey makes a face. this is more complicated than she'd expected it to be. she'd hoped finn would have an easy answer. ]
[ it's a complicated question, and one he's mulled over himself plenty of times while he's been here. ] Well, sometimes, if it's an aphrodisiac, it can feel like you're running a fever. Like you have this heat burning inside you and there's only one way to make it stop. But it's not always like that. Apparently there was one that just made people want to go around hugging other people.
No, usually the effects wear off in a few hours as long as you're not still using it. Or eating it. Or touching it, or however they try to slip things to us.
[ but that had been true, too. she'd just stumbled out of a place that made more sense, her emotions on overdrive as her mind tried to make sense of everything that was going on — and when poe had wrapped his arms around her, she'd sunk into it, let that hug bolster her the way it had when she'd touched down on ajan kloss in luke's old x-wing, let it block out all the strangeness and misery until all that mattered was them.
and then it had just felt natural, hadn't it? to let one touch bleed into another, and then another, and to follow the path of least resistance until they were both too far gone to stop. and she hadn't wanted to stop, either. not then...
and not now. which was the part she was struggling with the most. ]
I've ruined things, haven't I? He must have been under one of those effects. That's the only thing that makes sense.
[ looks like someone needs to be filled in on some recent goings-on that he wasn't actually present for. ]
Poe was affected too?
[ if that's the case, then it's understandable; it's not like finn himself hasn't been in that position more than once and forced to awkwardly parse through things later, after the side effects have worn off. in the same breath, though, there's a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach at the idea of the two of them, together, and what's even stranger is that it doesn't feel like jealousy.
it's more like... envy. like he's disappointed he wasn't there too. ]
He didn't say anything about it. But he might not even have known it if he was. The effects come on pretty strong sometimes.
I hugged him. Or he hugged me, I'm not entirely sure which anymore. But I kissed him, I remember that.
[ that seems important to point out, for some reason. that rey decided to do it, even if she's still not entirely sure why she did. why then? what about that moment, beyond the cloud of scent around her? ]
And then someone ran into us, so he offered to show me his apartment, and —
[ huh. ]
I don't remember whether I kissed him first there or not.
[ finn... that's not helping... ]
How am I supposed to ask him if he wanted me to keep kissing him or not?!
[ it had been different, but no less important than opening herself up to finn. if anything, it had felt like a natural extension of their relationship — in the same way that being with finn had been reaffirming, warm and supportive and devotional, being with poe had been a push-and-shove, give-and-take. they'd worked each other up until there was only one possible way down.
but it wasn't her regret that felt like ice in her veins. ]
Look, if there's one thing I know about Poe, it's that you can rarely talk him into doing anything he doesn't want to.
[ and obviously he doesn't know the specifics of what had gone down between them, but he's already starting to fill in the blanks pretty well all on his own. ]
Even if he was affected by the same thing you were. Chances are that was only part of it.
[ they both know how stubborn he can be, and that stubbornness goes both ways, whether it's being made to do something or being told he can't. ]
Oh, so you
[ it's one thing to suspect it, but it's another thing entirely to have it confirmed. ] Maybe you should just... say it that way. I tried to warn him about as much as I could when he showed up, so he already had a sense that something like that could affect him.
[ every new piece of information seems to send her through a loop. if he'd known, then, that there was the possibility of something to manipulate them into doing something, wouldn't he have told her? he'd always been able to stand up to her, even when she was at the height of a stubborn fit — surely this would be no different.
now she can't help but feel more confused. ]
Okay. Okay, I'll ask him. And if he's angry he'll be in the Up and not here.
I'm not going to pretend to know what he's thinking, but I don't think he's angry.
[ he'd be able to tell on his end if something was up, wouldn't he? and they've already had the conversation about not keeping things from each other, especially not here when so much of this is unfamiliar and stressful enough to get through. they don't need to be adding to it if they can help it. ]
Even if it was an aphro, chances are
The chances are he already wanted to. Even just a little bit.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ and cinnamon, but how much of that had been the fragrance and how much of that had just been the way poe always smelled to her was still a mystery. spice ran deep. ]
How do you know whether it's an effect or not?
Because I still felt like myself, even if it was different than before.
[ rey makes a face. this is more complicated than she'd expected it to be. she'd hoped finn would have an easy answer. ]
Would it still be an effect now?
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[ it's a complicated question, and one he's mulled over himself plenty of times while he's been here. ] Well, sometimes, if it's an aphrodisiac, it can feel like you're running a fever. Like you have this heat burning inside you and there's only one way to make it stop. But it's not always like that. Apparently there was one that just made people want to go around hugging other people.
No, usually the effects wear off in a few hours as long as you're not still using it. Or eating it. Or touching it, or however they try to slip things to us.
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[ but that had been true, too. she'd just stumbled out of a place that made more sense, her emotions on overdrive as her mind tried to make sense of everything that was going on — and when poe had wrapped his arms around her, she'd sunk into it, let that hug bolster her the way it had when she'd touched down on ajan kloss in luke's old x-wing, let it block out all the strangeness and misery until all that mattered was them.
and then it had just felt natural, hadn't it? to let one touch bleed into another, and then another, and to follow the path of least resistance until they were both too far gone to stop. and she hadn't wanted to stop, either. not then...
and not now. which was the part she was struggling with the most. ]
I've ruined things, haven't I?
He must have been under one of those effects. That's the only thing that makes sense.
[ rey you are so dumb ]
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[ looks like someone needs to be filled in on some recent goings-on that he wasn't actually present for. ]
Poe was affected too?
[ if that's the case, then it's understandable; it's not like finn himself hasn't been in that position more than once and forced to awkwardly parse through things later, after the side effects have worn off. in the same breath, though, there's a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach at the idea of the two of them, together, and what's even stranger is that it doesn't feel like jealousy.
it's more like... envy. like he's disappointed he wasn't there too. ]
He didn't say anything about it. But he might not even have known it if he was. The effects come on pretty strong sometimes.
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[ that seems important to point out, for some reason. that rey decided to do it, even if she's still not entirely sure why she did. why then? what about that moment, beyond the cloud of scent around her? ]
And then someone ran into us, so he offered to show me his apartment, and —
[ huh. ]
I don't remember whether I kissed him first there or not.
[ finn... that's not helping... ]
How am I supposed to ask him if he wanted me to keep kissing him or not?!
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I think if he hadn't wanted you to, he would've said something.
[ is that... helpful? ]
Even if he was under the influence of the same thing you were.
[ which, again, he didn't mention. ]
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I could also just never bring it up ever again. That would also be fine.
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You don't regret it, do you?
[ finn is mostly just like internally ????? ]
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[ it had been different, but no less important than opening herself up to finn. if anything, it had felt like a natural extension of their relationship — in the same way that being with finn had been reaffirming, warm and supportive and devotional, being with poe had been a push-and-shove, give-and-take. they'd worked each other up until there was only one possible way down.
but it wasn't her regret that felt like ice in her veins. ]
But I couldn't take it if he did.
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[ and obviously he doesn't know the specifics of what had gone down between them, but he's already starting to fill in the blanks pretty well all on his own. ]
Even if he was affected by the same thing you were. Chances are that was only part of it.
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[ it does make her feel one percent better to tease him behind his back. ]
I know I need to talk to him. I just don't know what to say. "Did an aphrodisiac make you want to have sex with me" is a little ridiculous.
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[ they both know how stubborn he can be, and that stubbornness goes both ways, whether it's being made to do something or being told he can't. ]
Oh, so you
[ it's one thing to suspect it, but it's another thing entirely to have it confirmed. ] Maybe you should just... say it that way. I tried to warn him about as much as I could when he showed up, so he already had a sense that something like that could affect him.
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now she can't help but feel more confused. ]
Okay. Okay, I'll ask him.
And if he's angry he'll be in the Up and not here.
[ and she can ... deal with it. ]
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[ he'd be able to tell on his end if something was up, wouldn't he? and they've already had the conversation about not keeping things from each other, especially not here when so much of this is unfamiliar and stressful enough to get through. they don't need to be adding to it if they can help it. ]
Even if it was an aphro, chances are
The chances are he already wanted to. Even just a little bit.
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[ but she still feels a little nauseous all the same. force have mercy on her. ]
Still makes me want to jump off a building rather than have to have this conversation, though.