resistingly: (pic#10072538)
Finn ([personal profile] resistingly) wrote2020-10-24 05:52 pm

inbox for duplicity;


INBOX
text / audio / video / action
withinreach: (016)

[personal profile] withinreach 2020-01-22 09:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Alright, I'll be there in a minute.

[ that might be a surprisingly accurate estimate, hopefully he's ready for this because poe isn't ]
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[personal profile] withinreach 2020-01-23 01:45 am (UTC)(link)
[ Poe was already heading toward the garage. It was a safe bet these days as far as finding any of them, he's there more often than he's in his own apartment and the same is definitely true of Finn and his tiny bunk, and it just feels more like home than anywhere else in this city. Especially when Finn's there, with BB-8 rolling around between them, just as happy to have them all back together as anyone else. They really are back together now, and as much as they're missing and as far away from the Resistance as they are, this is a solid core to all of it, even Poe feels that, regardless of the fact that they've all got weird stretches of time missing between them.

But he hadn't been thinking much about how things could change if Rey was here with them. He hasn't asked Finn much about what's happened in his absence, it's not really something he wants to dig up for several reasons, but it's not hard to assume that they were very close. He's seen the way Finn looks at her, the way he talks about her, constantly. And all the potential implications of what it means now that she's back have been going through his head lately, especially since he found himself falling into bed with her.

That had been a mistake. Strange perfumes or no, even if Finn isn't angry at him, Poe's feeling guilty. It doesn't matter that this kind of thing happens around here, or that the idea of stepping back from the intense... thing that he's fallen into with Finn makes his stomach twist into knots. He'll do whatever he has to do to fix this. ]


Finn.

[ What was he expecting? Finn to be up on his feet, arms folded? Not really, but he could take Finn being angry at him a lot better than him being hurt and just taking it. His own steps fall short of walking all the way over, and somehow it just feels wrong. These days it's rare that he won't at least put a hand on Finn's shoulder, if not sliding right in for a kiss. It only slows him down for a second, and then he's just launching right into it. ]

Finn, I'm sorry. I didn't- [ he's already started, why stop now? ] I wasn't trying to hide anything from you. And look, whatever you want to have with Rey, I'm not gonna get in the way.

[ He'll probably keep going if he's not stopped, but he has to take in a breath eventually. ]
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[personal profile] withinreach 2020-01-23 02:59 am (UTC)(link)
[ Somehow the lack of accusation, or anger or even really reproach, hasn't really sunk in just yet. Maybe it's because Poe's expecting a but to follow, some sort of confession, of an irrevocable change in how all of this has worked between them so far. Sure, he's been there before, but never with someone who he had this many feelings for, definitely never also with someone else he felt so strongly about. All the pieces are there, he just hasn't dared to hope that they would just fit so easily together. ]

I know, I know, I should have. I was going to, I just-

[ Finn's question takes some of the wind out of his sails as far as trying to talk his way in and out of a conversation without ever actually having to hear the words he's been dreading the most. It's the last thing he expected to hear, especially after all this, and it takes him a second to adjust, especially when he's not even sure he could be hearing that right. It's such a simple answer too, just as straightforward as if it's the only logical conclusion that anyone could have come to.

It's hard to argue with it, and honestly he doesn't really want to try. It's just going to take a minute or two to fully sink in. ]


I meant in the way of you two being together. [ Obviously, but yeah, he's getting that he's not seeing the full picture here, which has him frowning, his lips pressed tight together. It's not that he doubts Finn, he just doesn't understand yet. ] Finn, I know how you feel about her.

[ Who wouldn't? Finn was willing to march right back into the heart of the First Order for her, and Poe knew better than anyone just how desperate he was to escape their reach. The first words out of Finn's mouth when he woke up afterward were to ask where she was. He could hear the old ache in Finn's voice when he spoke of her here, of time spent together that must have ended abruptly, just like his own apparent departure. ]
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[personal profile] withinreach 2020-01-24 04:01 am (UTC)(link)
[ Poe's listening. If only just. If not for the way things had gone with Rey, he probably wouldn't have confronted this at all, it seemed like it would have just been a lot easier to take whatever Finn decided to do without complaint, but in retrospect he understands that never would have worked. He wouldn't have been able to keep everything in, no matter how hard he tried, because as much as he'd like it to be simple, it just isn't. How could he still believe that what he feels for Finn is platonic, when kissing him felt like the most right thing in the galaxy?

He couldn't, not really, but he also knew that he would do whatever it took to make Finn happy. If that meant shoving certain feelings down, well, he was sure as hell going to try.

But somewhere in the whiplash of reactions to what Finn has to tell him, unblinking and confident, he realizes that he never needed to. He's been thinking of this like it's got to be one or the other, that Finn would feel torn between them, that he would have to make a choice, just like it's always been before, but Finn isn't like anyone else he's ever known. This feeling isn't like anything he's had before, so clear and undeniable with Finn, and new and blossoming toward Rey. He didn't even have a chance to foster some misplaced sense of jealousy, and here and now, hearing Finn confess it all, that's the farthest thing from his mind.

What he's feeling now is something warm and overwhelming, leaving him speechless - and breathless - for what might be an awkwardly long time, while he tries to swallow an invisible lump in his throat. When he does manage to shake himself from it, looking at those openly splayed hands, he just does the first thing that occurs to him, which is to take another step forward to wrap his arms tight around Finn's chest, one hand settling at the back of his neck, habitually, the other twisting into his shirt, face tucked in against his neck, gripping as fiercely as if this hold - as if Finn is the only thing keeping his feet on the ground. ]


Of course I trust you, Finn.

[ The only thing that could wrench him from this embrace, not fully, but instigating some space without giving up the hold, is the need to lock eyes with Finn, to give him the same regard that was given to him moments ago. He can't imagine what his face must look like, twisted up with emotion, somewhere between stunned and just unbelievably happy. This is so much more than he was expecting, even if he kind of knew a lot of it already. The words come tumbling out, but they're not awkward or uncomfortable at all this time. ]

I can't imagine my life without you in it, not anymore. I trust you. I love you. Whatever you wanna call this, whatever you've got with Rey, you've got me too. You both do.

[ It feels important to tell him that. It's not one or the other, and it never has to be. ]
withinreach: (031)

[personal profile] withinreach 2020-01-25 02:53 am (UTC)(link)
[ Poe's expectations went out the window right about when Finn dropped the biggest 'and' on him that he's ever heard. It was almost like he felt his whole existence pivot on it, though now he's realizing that it didn't actually change anything. All of this was here, in Finn, in him, and maybe he would have understood it all sooner if he hadn't been so caught up in preparing himself for a shift that never needed to happen at all. The past few weeks have been a blur though, that much is definitely true, so maybe it's not that much of a shock that he would need to play catch up on this as well. He's still a bit in awe of just how calm and assured Finn is about the whole thing, even shaking his head a little as he leans into the hand that slides to his jaw, a short huff of an exhale that's almost a laugh. ]

Okay.

[ But it really is that simple, isn't it? As simple and effortless as it is to press himself into that kiss before Finn's lips have fully closed in on his own, his arms settling almost back to their exact previous arrangement. There have been a lot of kisses lately, some slow and lazy, others heated and intense, and every one of them makes his heart stutter for a few beats, leaving him just as eager for the next one as he felt for the very first one. This one lacks for nothing when it comes to intensity, potentially so much so that they'll end up bumping into something if Finn doesn't hold his ground well enough, but having just left those feelings laid bare Poe's getting caught up in it in entirely new ways all over again.

Somehow both of his hands end up cupping Finn's face, not for the first time but somehow softer this time despite an irrepressible desire to press himself close, to be as woven together as they've ever been in bed. ]


Yeah. We will. [ That quiet confidence of Finn's, in how he feels and what he wants, is contagious. Sorting out how he feels about Rey at this point might take more untangling, but now that's something he can settle into rather than something to push aside, it's a weight off his shoulders that he didn't even realize he was carrying. All of this is, so much that he almost feels giddy. He doesn't have much to compare it to except the thrill he gets out of adrenaline-fueled flying stunts, where everything just perfectly clicks into place at exactly the right moment. ] Right now?

[ Not that he's suggesting they delay it, that should definitely be their next stop, but on the other hand he's not even close to wanting to stop kissing Finn long enough to move anywhere, when nearly every word is punctuated with another soft press of lips and eventually also a warm slide of tongue. And all of that blossoming warmth is having a predictable effect on other things too. He's never been very good at hiding it when he wants Finn, not that he's ever truly attempted to try, and he's somehow certain that's he's never felt closer to Finn than he does right now. ]
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[personal profile] withinreach 2020-01-28 03:02 am (UTC)(link)
[ Poe can only imagine how excited Finn must be to tell Rey everything, he has no idea exactly what Finn said, or didn't say to her before, but he is confident that it'll work out. Maybe he can't explain exactly why, it could just be that he's swept up in Finn's excitement and elation at everything settling into place, Finn does know Rey a lot better than he does, but he's not worried. Especially not now, after he's had some very intimate time with Rey himself, and that had been enlightening in a few ways, to say the least, none of which make him think that jealousy might linger in between any of them.

Still, he won't apologize for pulling Finn into one soft, lingering kiss after another, or for how those kisses wind into ones with even more heat, since each one leaves him wanting more. He can't help it. As much as this is about all three of them, it's about the two of them too, and just how much they've left unspoken over the past month or so since they tumbled into bed together that very first night. A lot of that is his fault, and he knows it. He was avoiding it, even when everything he might have asked, everything he might have said was always there all long.\

It's been there for a while. Longer than it took to tell Finn that he wanted him, in no uncertain terms. ]


Soon. [ It has the tone of a promise, even while his back has finally bumped into something solid, the doorframe leading back toward the office, in this case, as his hands slide down Finn's back and tug him in even closer, close enough that he can feel even more of the warmth gathering between them. The fact that Finn's sweaty and smudged is far from a problem. ] It's just...

[ As he licks his lips, tilting his head to regard Finn's face again, it's almost as if doing it for the first time even though he's learned every curve of it by heart. He knows those eyes, that voice, the smile. The way Finn's said his name, in so many different ways, but most fondly in how it's been whispered between them, like it's a secret that no one else knows. He reaches up with one hand, wiping away a smudge that's been smeared across Finn's jaw.

It's "just" so many things. ]


I've never felt like this about anyone before.
withinreach: (019)

[personal profile] withinreach 2020-02-05 12:39 pm (UTC)(link)
[ There are a lot of times when Poe considers the garage to be the perfect place for them to do more or less whatever they want to, despite the fact that it's dirty and overall lacking in places to really get comfortable. There's a certain smell to it, a feeling of being surrounded by parts, an echo that reminds him of an actual hangar. It's not that he doesn't appreciate that now, he's just feeling more inclined to find a spot where he could curl up with Finn for a while, though admittedly that would involve moving, and they're not doing a very good job of that right now. Finn's fingers stroke against his bare stomach, underneath a conveniently loose shirt, and he's just going to tug that wrist further up to his chest, tugging the shirt up along with it.

Usually by this point he would have stopped to strip it off, but this time he hasn't even gone so far as to shrug out of his jacket yet. His focus isn't on getting into Finn's pants as soon as reasonably can. These slow, passionate kisses are leading them up to something like that, but it's different. It would have to be after the confessions they've both just laid out in front of each other.

Finally. It hadn't been that long for him, not really, but it feels like he should have said it sooner. In hindsight it's just so obvious. ]


I want to sign a contract with you when yours is up. [ The words come out in a rush, just as much because he's eager to get them out as he's short on breath thanks to those kisses that he's not stopping anytime soon. He's looking back up to catch Finn's gaze again too as he slides both hands underneath his shirt, fingers digging into his back, as if to drag him closer even though they're already pressed flush against each other. This is something else he should have already said. ] Whatever I have to do to stay with you, to keep us all together, I'll do it. I need you, Finn.

[ He'd give up the nice apartment in a heartbeat if he had to. As Finn might have guessed, since he's actually come to the Down rather than spent the night alone in that huge bed.

And he's already said that he's not going to let anyone pull them apart this time. It just makes sense to put it in writing. ]
withinreach: (030)

[personal profile] withinreach 2020-02-07 03:09 am (UTC)(link)
[ Before Finn, while they were trying to teach him something about the way this place works, Poe had been entirely prepared to dig in his heels and refuse to touch a contract on principle. His views on them haven't entirely shifted, he's still against any kind of agreement being forced on anyone, though it didn't take long to accept that he would have to play along to a certain degree if he wanted to accomplish anything toward getting home, the thing is that it's not forced with Finn. It means something because it's only putting in writing something that he already feels, transcribing a loyalty that never needed any reinforcement.

Maybe even that resemblance of a commitment beyond confessed feelings hits him as hard as it does because it makes him realize just how much he wants to make things 'official' somehow, much more than he realized until he's already said it. It opens a whole other path of possibilities, one he hadn't considered before, and while he's not going to rush headlong down it without thinking it through first - he has to, Finn deserves so much more than an impulsive, wild suggestion made in the heat of the moment - that idea isn't just some idle daydream. It'll be on his mind.

But as far as contracts? That's not impulsive. It wasn't even a question, and that conviction comes across clearly even in his murmured response. ]


Of course I want to.

[ He's helping to make some progress now, and once he's started pulling Finn toward the office, it's a lot easier to keep that momentum going, even when those heartfelt kisses are fueling a kind of slow burn that's threatening to completely overtake him before they make it that far. He's barely able to break from them long enough to get a few words out now, coming back to Finn's lips after them as if those momentary pauses only make him want them even more.

His back bumps into the office door first, which conveniently swings open behind him without overly impeding them. Which works for Poe, because he's busy tugging Finn's sweaty shirt up over his head as soon as he lifts his arms to allow it. ]


I wanted to as soon as I realized we could. I just... didn't know if you were attached to the one you already had. [ He's pausing long enough to give Finn an almost sheepish smile, a rare vulnerability in it as he huffs out a soft breath entirely at himself and how ridiculous it sounds saying it out loud here and now. ] I guess I thought it would be easier not to know if you were.
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[personal profile] withinreach 2020-02-13 01:41 pm (UTC)(link)
[ The warm lips pressing against his neck are a distraction, one that has Poe tipping his head back with an approving sigh, though not so much of one that he can't pull Finn over to that cot propped against the back wall. He's grateful that it's stronger than it looks, and not for the first time, as he shrugs his arms out of his jacket, tossing it in the direction of the desk before he's tugging Finn down with him, into his lap without actually breaking the kiss that temporarily pauses the conversation entirely. It feels good, kissing Finn like this, letting all those emotions just roll into it. Not that he wasn't doing that before too, it's just different now that those nagging uncertainties have melted away.

He was half expecting another scolding, honestly, if a gentle one, over not telling Finn about these things when they were obviously wearing him down. But in this particular case they were both avoiding the issue for their own reasons, as irrational as they might have been, and now that he's actually saying these things out loud it's obvious that they're not worth getting worked up over. Especially not now, now that everything feels like it's falling into place for them against seemingly impossible odds. ]


I want you to be happy. [ He's still kissing and sucking on Finn's lower lip in between murmured words, still torn between wanting to get all of this out and focusing on what his hands are doing. Which currently involves skimming across Finn's shoulders, gradually sliding down his back. ] I always have. So if that made you happy, I'd find a way to live with it.

[ Which is more or less the potential arrangement he was expecting to happen with Rey, so it wasn't like those thoughts were new to him. They were just a lot harder to swallow after realizing just how hard he'd fallen for Finn in ways that weren't platonic at all. ]

You deserve that. [ He slips his hands back up to cup Finn's face between them. ] To be happy. To be with people who love you. I could never take any of that away from you.
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[personal profile] withinreach 2020-02-23 07:42 pm (UTC)(link)
[ There's a lot Poe could say about it. That people do crazy things when they're in love. That every other time that a missing love has come back into the picture it meant that he was relegated back to strictly friend status, if that. But he never expected Finn to cut him out of his life, no matter how he felt about Rey or Rose or anyone else. He just... figured that they would be friends. Good friends. Very close. That would have sounded a lot more realistic before though, before he kissed Finn and everything about his expectations changed irrevocably. It had been there all along, sure, but it was different when he threw all caution to the wind and embraced it.

There's no point in dredging up old flames that ended suddenly right now. None of that is really important anyway. He's already confessed that this is unlike anything he's had before, it wouldn't make sense to compare it to any of that. Especially not when he would rather drop his hands to unbutton Finn's pants and work them down as far as he can manage with a certain lack of patience that might be notable even by their standards.

It would be enough to touch him and kiss him, just having him right here, warm and heavy in his lap and happy most of all. But some part of him also wants to slot their bodies together as close and as intimately as they can manage, and now that they're close that desire hits him with a sort of sharp intensity that he wasn't expecting. ]


You wouldn't get rid of me that easily. Regardless of what you want to do with me, I'm not going anywhere.

[ Definitely not now. ]