[ Those first few touches are light, almost reflexive, but as one smoothly slides into another, and then another, joined by similarly gentle presses of his lips against Finn's face, it seems to evoke a an increasingly obvious need that Poe wasn't even fully aware of until it starts to permeate every brush of contact. Even if he'd been trying to count he would have lost track of how many times he's let his hands wander like this, how many times he's nuzzled Finn's ear or trailed kisses along his cheekbones, curled up close with him in bed or on the couch, sometimes with nothing but instinctive affection and a desire for intimacy, other times with much more intense passions in mind. He's certain that they both need it now more than ever.
He was expecting the wave of relief, of regret and lingering frustration over the fact that he was ultimately powerless to do anything to help bring them back together, and he probably would have been even if his efforts hadn't been concentrated on enduring his own problems in the meantime. He wasn't expecting the longing, the ache of an absence felt in Finn's voice to hurt at much as it does. It's not just one thing but several, which combine to make it feel even sharper, even though the kisses Finn trails along his palm and wrist go toward soothing it.
He's terrible at hiding anything, he's aware of that, probably least of all from Finn at this point. They'll have to sift through all of those aches, probably sooner rather than later. How many times has Finn fussed him for not saying anything when he should have? ]
I know. [ How could he not? As easy as he might be to read, Finn's always been so open and genuine, the thought that he could even be capable of hiding anything hadn't even occurred to him. And, obviously, it's a feeling he can relate to. ] I've felt that way ever since the day we met, but even then, it felt like... like I'd been missing you forever and I just didn't know.
[ He'll let Finn hold onto his hand as long as he wants to, but he will use t he other to tilt Finn's face back toward his own for a soft, lingering kiss. There's nothing he can do to change the fact that they've lost too much time to various circumstances, but that's never stopped him from trying to make up for it. ]
[ They've joked before about the first time they met, about the desperate circumstances that had led Finn to call on the help of a First Order prisoner because he needed someone capable enough to fly him out — but how much of that had been an act of self-preservation and how much of it had been some kind of innate understanding that this was someone he wanted, or even needed, to be with?
He's never forgotten how right it felt to sit in that shared cockpit, even in the midst of his own fear that they might not pull this off, and to have Poe fighting at his back — and he'll never take what followed for granted, especially since it led to a friendship and a name that would come to define him even more than his time in the Order ever did.
Now, though, he knows it's built to something more; there's no denying how right it feels when Poe touches him, how easy it is to sink into the caresses of his hands, how he could just tug the other man into bed and refuse to come up for air for hours and it would be the closest thing to home he's ever had. But if there's something weighing on Poe's mind, he isn't able to pick up on it, not when it feels like he's finally starting to wake up again after days of living in some dull, muted world. ]
I —
[ He's about to deliver the words that have become something else new between them, confess all over again to the love he knows he has with every fiber of his being, but then Poe's leaning in to kiss him and he gives up trying to say anything else at all, at least for now. Instead, he might be more focused on tipping them both back against the bed while preserving that kiss, his other free hand lifting to mimic Poe's against the side of his face, and this time there's not desperation in it so much as devotion, pure and simple and unfiltered and swelling in his chest, spelled out in the way he groans softly into it, deepens it with a tilt of his head. ]
[ Poe's more than willing to sink back into the bed with Finn as long as they're still tangled up together. If anything it allows them to get even closer, seeing as he wastes no time in nudging a leg in between Finn's own, securely notching them together without trying to roll them around into a position that would work better for other things. He's fond of pressing Finn onto his back, or his chest, whether he's settling himself between Finn's legs or straddling them instead, but it's not always about the sex, even if they end up there often. Right now Poe's absorbed in the moment even more than usual, something which he feels from Finn too, rather than thinking at all about where it'll lead them.
That kiss lacks for nothing in passion though, and it takes a while for Poe to be willing to break from it, even if they both need to get a deep breath in at some point. That's the pause where words can filter back in, as his forehead tips against Finn's, still so close that their breaths mingle, fingers curled against the back of the his neck, just holding him there. Maybe just a little tighter than usual, as if Finn might slip away from him if he lets go.
He knew he needed this, that they both would, but it's another thing to feel it like this. As all the built up tension unwinds and it's just the two of them he doesn't have to hold on so tight to the facade that he's fine, he's not worried about admitting to Finn, whether in so many words or not, that he does need it. He can bare those vulnerabilities with Finn and Rey in ways that he just couldn't with anyone else. ]
Finn, I... There's some things I've got to tell you about. About what happened here while you were gone.
[ Not necessarily now, he's not pushing, but he has to say that much at least. Maybe because he's not sure he'll still find it in him to say so later if he lets himself sink into the reassurance of just having Finn and Rey back with him. It would be all too easy to think that they're just better off not knowing, but he knows it wouldn't be fair to keep it from them. He wouldn't want them to if this has been the other way around. ]
[ It's a kiss he wants to sink into without necessarily leading it into anything else right away; he kisses Poe to make up for every single day, every hour he wasn't here to do it before, and even if he doesn't plan on this becoming more than a series of hot, deep kisses there's no way Poe's going to be able to miss his body's most obvious reaction to it against the nudge of a thigh between his, a hard curve of muscle for him to gently jut his hips into, slow and unmotivated but still making it plain that he wants to be pressed against every part of him with no space left in between.
He can hear the sigh from himself when Poe breaks the kiss to nudge their foreheads together, but his eyes are still closed, his fingers curving a partial grip in the ends of Poe's hair and the collar of his shirt at the same time, and he realizes he'd be content to linger just like this, both of them holding onto each other while occasionally indulging in more heated slants of their mouths, taking breaks when they need to.
But then Poe says what he does and Finn's eyes snap open, and he doesn't fully retreat but he does pull back enough to be able to look the other man in the eye, a frown settling over the features of his expression. ]
Wait, what? Did something happen?
[ As much as he could lose himself in everything they're doing right here and now, this sounds important enough to discuss, and it's too vague for him to even venture a guess as to what it could be about but he's not willing to leave it undiscussed unless Poe's distinctly feeling like not talking. If that's the case, he won't press the issue, but he's not going to pretend he hasn't heard Poe say anything at all. ]
[ The relaxed moments where they just wrap themselves around each other, pressing into slow, lazy kisses and idle caresses, mean just as much to Poe as anything they do when they're eagerly stripping off clothes and going at it like a couple of horny teenagers. He'd thought that he was past that stage, but being with Finn has made him feel all kinds of new things. It's still different now, he's all about the intimacy wherever they get it, whether it's this or just clasped hands and leaning against each other or much more intense expressions of how they feel about each other. So it's not really any surprise that he's intensely regretful that he can't just soak in all of this sorely needed affection and love and relief.
He can't hide it though, can he? Finn's always been able to see straight through his attempts, weak as they usually are, at acting like nothing's on his mind, sometimes he's just considerate enough not to press the issue, typically preferring to wait until Poe comes around on his own. And it always happens, sooner or later, because he's that bad at keeping anything bottled up for long. And he's terrible at letting anything go.
It's not good. Finn can probably guess as much from the way Poe's eyes only meet his for a couple of seconds before they're closing, and he sighs. He's not letting go, not by a long shot, but he's got a sinking feeling that he might have to, despite it being the last thing he wants to do right now.
Better just to get it out. It's not going to get any easier. ]
What you saw in the mirror, he was here while you were trapped over there.
[ The mirror thing makes more sense now. It really was a reflection that was completely reversed, taking everything that makes Finn Finn and twisting it beyond recognition. ]
[ It's beyond appealing to think about the possibility of just losing himself in this for a few hours, reminding himself of everything he'd been fighting to get back to the whole time he was stuck in a world he knew he didn't belong in. But he can't shove aside the reality that he's presented with when Poe starts looking like that, something almost like exhaustion laden in his features. He's not going to ignore the truth that seems to be hovering been them, making the air feel heavier than it really is. He can't press forward and pretend that nothing's wrong.
And he gets all the confirmation he needs that his instincts are correct when Poe sighs like that, eyes drifting shut; he props himself up onto one elbow, leaning in close with a frown. They're still mostly linked, threaded together, and he can practically feel every line of tension traveling through Poe's frame, everything he's still holding in. It's just now dawning on him that whatever this is has been weighing on Poe the entire time and this is the first chance he's really been close enough to even pick up on it. ]
You mean that — wait. You saw him?
[ Almost immediately he's conflicted about the idea that Poe would have seen someone who had looked like him but very obviously wasn't him, let alone interacted with him — and he can't explain why the idea of that leaves him unsettled too, but he's not relinquishing what hold he has on Poe now, fingers lightly curling around his wrist. ]
I didn't even think about the possibility that he could've been here the entire time, but I was looking for a way to get back and then it was like I found him all of a sudden.
[ Seeing the look on Finn's face makes it difficult to remember why it's so important to tell him this in the first place. Poe has to remind himself, again, of how he would feel if their positions were reversed. He wouldn't want Finn to have to deal with it on his own, and even if he wanted to write all of that off as a bad dream, it happened. He might not even be the only one who remembers it. It's probably likely that at least a few people in the Down will recognize Finn's face now after the very public spectacle they made out of that confrontation. But at least it hadn't been in one of the Up neighborhoods, where that kind of flagrant attack on a Dominant wouldn't go unreported. As it is, he figures Finn might be getting some odd looks from strangers on the street, at the very least.
He also wonders, considering Finn's tone, if he's feeling a bit of the same kind of thing that he felt when he realized that he's been here before. Thinking too much about alternate timelines and different universes still gives him a headache, but it did boil down to an unease over the whole thing. And that had been with a different 'him' who seemed normal.
This is different. ]
Yeah. We didn't get along very well.
[ His tone is dry, it's obviously that he's not intentionally trying to downplay it. This is the kind of 'not getting along' that he would use in reference to the likes of the First Order. Which, yeah, not a coincidence. He's propped up on an elbow to face Finn now, settling his hand lightly against Finn's cheek, fingers splayed out across his jaw. He hates this, but he definitely can't leave it there now. ]
Finn, I don't know how any of this happened or why, but you should know that he might have had your face, but he wasn't you. I mean, not even in some kind of weird 'we never escaped from the First Order' way. He was... [ And there's another sigh, frustration at trying to find the right words. ] He was just a different person who happened to look like you, and nothing that he did here is your fault.
[ Does he need to mention how deeply disturbing it was to deal with someone so cold with what looked like the same face he's touching fondly now? Maybe not. ]
[ And as reluctant as he is to tear himself away from all of this, the comfort that he feels from even just getting to touch and be touched — it's a simple thing and one that most people probably don't even think about, but something he'd gone without for so long throughout most of his life and now doesn't take for granted any time he gets to have it — he's still sitting up to mull over everything Poe's saying to him right now, drawing his knees up toward himself and resting his forearms on them. ]
Part of me knows that what everything you're saying has got to be true, but then — he was me. I felt it from him, on the other side, when I knew what I had to do in order to get out. He's... if I made one decision, or even a handful of decisions, any differently than I did. I could've been him.
[ And that's what unnerves him most of all, the fact that the scales could have tipped in the opposite direction at any time and he could have become the person who never escaped from all of that. It's an unsettling thought to have, especially when he realizes that this doppelganger, this other version of himself, encountered Poe to some degree. With a jerk, he turns to face the other man. ]
Did he hurt you? He didn't — if anything happened to you and I wasn't here to stop it — [ The apology is already in his expression, even if he's not saying it out loud just yet. ]
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He was expecting the wave of relief, of regret and lingering frustration over the fact that he was ultimately powerless to do anything to help bring them back together, and he probably would have been even if his efforts hadn't been concentrated on enduring his own problems in the meantime. He wasn't expecting the longing, the ache of an absence felt in Finn's voice to hurt at much as it does. It's not just one thing but several, which combine to make it feel even sharper, even though the kisses Finn trails along his palm and wrist go toward soothing it.
He's terrible at hiding anything, he's aware of that, probably least of all from Finn at this point. They'll have to sift through all of those aches, probably sooner rather than later. How many times has Finn fussed him for not saying anything when he should have? ]
I know. [ How could he not? As easy as he might be to read, Finn's always been so open and genuine, the thought that he could even be capable of hiding anything hadn't even occurred to him. And, obviously, it's a feeling he can relate to. ] I've felt that way ever since the day we met, but even then, it felt like... like I'd been missing you forever and I just didn't know.
[ He'll let Finn hold onto his hand as long as he wants to, but he will use t he other to tilt Finn's face back toward his own for a soft, lingering kiss. There's nothing he can do to change the fact that they've lost too much time to various circumstances, but that's never stopped him from trying to make up for it. ]
no subject
He's never forgotten how right it felt to sit in that shared cockpit, even in the midst of his own fear that they might not pull this off, and to have Poe fighting at his back — and he'll never take what followed for granted, especially since it led to a friendship and a name that would come to define him even more than his time in the Order ever did.
Now, though, he knows it's built to something more; there's no denying how right it feels when Poe touches him, how easy it is to sink into the caresses of his hands, how he could just tug the other man into bed and refuse to come up for air for hours and it would be the closest thing to home he's ever had. But if there's something weighing on Poe's mind, he isn't able to pick up on it, not when it feels like he's finally starting to wake up again after days of living in some dull, muted world. ]
I —
[ He's about to deliver the words that have become something else new between them, confess all over again to the love he knows he has with every fiber of his being, but then Poe's leaning in to kiss him and he gives up trying to say anything else at all, at least for now. Instead, he might be more focused on tipping them both back against the bed while preserving that kiss, his other free hand lifting to mimic Poe's against the side of his face, and this time there's not desperation in it so much as devotion, pure and simple and unfiltered and swelling in his chest, spelled out in the way he groans softly into it, deepens it with a tilt of his head. ]
no subject
That kiss lacks for nothing in passion though, and it takes a while for Poe to be willing to break from it, even if they both need to get a deep breath in at some point. That's the pause where words can filter back in, as his forehead tips against Finn's, still so close that their breaths mingle, fingers curled against the back of the his neck, just holding him there. Maybe just a little tighter than usual, as if Finn might slip away from him if he lets go.
He knew he needed this, that they both would, but it's another thing to feel it like this. As all the built up tension unwinds and it's just the two of them he doesn't have to hold on so tight to the facade that he's fine, he's not worried about admitting to Finn, whether in so many words or not, that he does need it. He can bare those vulnerabilities with Finn and Rey in ways that he just couldn't with anyone else. ]
Finn, I... There's some things I've got to tell you about. About what happened here while you were gone.
[ Not necessarily now, he's not pushing, but he has to say that much at least. Maybe because he's not sure he'll still find it in him to say so later if he lets himself sink into the reassurance of just having Finn and Rey back with him. It would be all too easy to think that they're just better off not knowing, but he knows it wouldn't be fair to keep it from them. He wouldn't want them to if this has been the other way around. ]
no subject
He can hear the sigh from himself when Poe breaks the kiss to nudge their foreheads together, but his eyes are still closed, his fingers curving a partial grip in the ends of Poe's hair and the collar of his shirt at the same time, and he realizes he'd be content to linger just like this, both of them holding onto each other while occasionally indulging in more heated slants of their mouths, taking breaks when they need to.
But then Poe says what he does and Finn's eyes snap open, and he doesn't fully retreat but he does pull back enough to be able to look the other man in the eye, a frown settling over the features of his expression. ]
Wait, what? Did something happen?
[ As much as he could lose himself in everything they're doing right here and now, this sounds important enough to discuss, and it's too vague for him to even venture a guess as to what it could be about but he's not willing to leave it undiscussed unless Poe's distinctly feeling like not talking. If that's the case, he won't press the issue, but he's not going to pretend he hasn't heard Poe say anything at all. ]
no subject
He can't hide it though, can he? Finn's always been able to see straight through his attempts, weak as they usually are, at acting like nothing's on his mind, sometimes he's just considerate enough not to press the issue, typically preferring to wait until Poe comes around on his own. And it always happens, sooner or later, because he's that bad at keeping anything bottled up for long. And he's terrible at letting anything go.
It's not good. Finn can probably guess as much from the way Poe's eyes only meet his for a couple of seconds before they're closing, and he sighs. He's not letting go, not by a long shot, but he's got a sinking feeling that he might have to, despite it being the last thing he wants to do right now.
Better just to get it out. It's not going to get any easier. ]
What you saw in the mirror, he was here while you were trapped over there.
[ The mirror thing makes more sense now. It really was a reflection that was completely reversed, taking everything that makes Finn Finn and twisting it beyond recognition. ]
no subject
And he gets all the confirmation he needs that his instincts are correct when Poe sighs like that, eyes drifting shut; he props himself up onto one elbow, leaning in close with a frown. They're still mostly linked, threaded together, and he can practically feel every line of tension traveling through Poe's frame, everything he's still holding in. It's just now dawning on him that whatever this is has been weighing on Poe the entire time and this is the first chance he's really been close enough to even pick up on it. ]
You mean that — wait. You saw him?
[ Almost immediately he's conflicted about the idea that Poe would have seen someone who had looked like him but very obviously wasn't him, let alone interacted with him — and he can't explain why the idea of that leaves him unsettled too, but he's not relinquishing what hold he has on Poe now, fingers lightly curling around his wrist. ]
I didn't even think about the possibility that he could've been here the entire time, but I was looking for a way to get back and then it was like I found him all of a sudden.
no subject
He also wonders, considering Finn's tone, if he's feeling a bit of the same kind of thing that he felt when he realized that he's been here before. Thinking too much about alternate timelines and different universes still gives him a headache, but it did boil down to an unease over the whole thing. And that had been with a different 'him' who seemed normal.
This is different. ]
Yeah. We didn't get along very well.
[ His tone is dry, it's obviously that he's not intentionally trying to downplay it. This is the kind of 'not getting along' that he would use in reference to the likes of the First Order. Which, yeah, not a coincidence. He's propped up on an elbow to face Finn now, settling his hand lightly against Finn's cheek, fingers splayed out across his jaw. He hates this, but he definitely can't leave it there now. ]
Finn, I don't know how any of this happened or why, but you should know that he might have had your face, but he wasn't you. I mean, not even in some kind of weird 'we never escaped from the First Order' way. He was... [ And there's another sigh, frustration at trying to find the right words. ] He was just a different person who happened to look like you, and nothing that he did here is your fault.
[ Does he need to mention how deeply disturbing it was to deal with someone so cold with what looked like the same face he's touching fondly now? Maybe not. ]
no subject
[ And as reluctant as he is to tear himself away from all of this, the comfort that he feels from even just getting to touch and be touched — it's a simple thing and one that most people probably don't even think about, but something he'd gone without for so long throughout most of his life and now doesn't take for granted any time he gets to have it — he's still sitting up to mull over everything Poe's saying to him right now, drawing his knees up toward himself and resting his forearms on them. ]
Part of me knows that what everything you're saying has got to be true, but then — he was me. I felt it from him, on the other side, when I knew what I had to do in order to get out. He's... if I made one decision, or even a handful of decisions, any differently than I did. I could've been him.
[ And that's what unnerves him most of all, the fact that the scales could have tipped in the opposite direction at any time and he could have become the person who never escaped from all of that. It's an unsettling thought to have, especially when he realizes that this doppelganger, this other version of himself, encountered Poe to some degree. With a jerk, he turns to face the other man. ]
Did he hurt you? He didn't — if anything happened to you and I wasn't here to stop it — [ The apology is already in his expression, even if he's not saying it out loud just yet. ]